Happy F'ing Anniversary

6/14/13. Our 5th wedding anniversary. 

My husband's work schedule had changed so that he would now be off on Fridays. For our 2nd US we had the choice of Friday 6/14 or Monday 6/17.  By this point we were feeling fairly confident and decided to do the 2nd US on our anniversary, so he didn't have to take off work (he doesn't get PTO, so time missed = no $$).  I wasn't really worried about it being on our anniversary, as I'm not really a dates person.

He ended up having to work half a day on 6/14. But our plan was to go to our afternoon appointment, maybe grab something small to eat, then go see a movie. We never in a million years really expected to find out we were having a miscarriage again.

I went into the US, she started doing some measurements, then softly told us she couldn't find a heartbeat. I, of course was immediately heartbroken. She asked if I wanted to see the screen, I did. She turned it to me and let me look. I then asked her what the baby was measuring. She measured it right in front of me, and it said 6wks5days. I asked the measurements because if it would have been anywhere remotely close to 8-9wks, I would have waited one week, did another US just to be sure and then go from there.  However, knowing that no heartbeat was found and that in 2wks the baby had only grown 3 days max, it was over.

A nurse came in, discussed my options. I chose to have a d&c.  My d&c is scheduled for tomorrow, 6/19/13 at 7:45AM. 

As I'm typing this today, I'm still coming to terms with my most recent loss and am extremely disappointed and heartbroken. However, I am glad that my baby grew this time, as there will be tissue to test for chromosome abnormalities.

I had a pretty good day, considering what I'm preparing to do tomorrow. I had a pre-op appointment, did some signatures, had some labs drawn, picked up my medications. Visited my cousin who's in the hospital with metastatic cancer -- spread to her cervical spine, causing so much pain so that she can't really move her head in any direction. I also contacted one of my coworkers, met up with her and let her know what's going on with me (on Sat. I called in to work for the entire week, it's a small office so they've all been really worried about me). She's the only person I've told anything to, other than our parents, my boss, and all the amazing ladies on an internet support forum that are going through similar experiences.

Goodbye my sweet baby You'll always be a part of me and I'll never forget you.  Even though I found out you were gone on our wedding anniversary, 3 days later wouldn't have really been much of a difference. If anything, you'll never be forgotten by our parents either and it warms my heart a little knowing that they'll recognize our losses and remember you specifically.