It's been quite some time since I posted anything on here. I figured I should put an update on here in case anybody runs across my blog looking for information.
After reading my last post, WOW. I was in such a bad place at that time. I do not even recognize that person anymore.
Brief update:
I'll have to go look specifically for dates, but Late February/Early March 2014 I became pregnant for the 4th time. This pregnancy was successful and my rainbow baby boy was born in early November 2014.
I loved being pregnant and overall had a fairly easy pregnancy. I did develop gestational diabetes and I had a C-section at 37weeks3days due to mild pre-eclampsia starting to develop. Another strike for my reproductive system was breast feeding. I tried everything possible to build supply, but it was not happening. By 4 weeks post partum, I was producing 2mL of milk per day. I stopped all breast feeding efforts around 4weeks post partum.
My maternity leave was crazy, so I'm not a great person to ask about how the beginning days with a newborn are. A few weeks after birth, Thanksgiving festivities occurred. A few weeks later (one month after my little guy was born), my MIL lost her battle with cancer. Next, Christmas was here. I ended up taking 10 weeks of maternity leave and went back to work at the end of January 2015. I know I had a very eventful maternity leave which skews my opinion, but the first 1-12 weeks post partum are a whirlwind. I had days/weeks at a time where I couldn't really tell you if it was day/night or my name sometimes! The sleep deprivation is VERY VERY REAL and it's stressful being a first time mom. So much pressure is placed on yourself to do everything perfectly. However, there is not any reading material out there that can truly prepare you for motherhood.
I am a very lucky person who became a success story after recurrent pregnancy loss. The emotions of my pregnancy losses are embedded into my soul. Grief is no longer the emotion at the very front, but it all is still there and has some effects on my day to day life.
To anybody who is hurting or struggling, know that you are not alone. I know you feel alone, but there is a community of support waiting for you. Find somebody to talk to, rather it be an internet forum/community, a grief counselor, a friend, anybody, find somebody to express your feelings to. One last thing, it is okay to feel however you feel. Your grief is your grief and however you cope with it, is okay. There is no right or wrong way to feel regarding your fertility struggles.
That's all I've got for now. I'll try to come back and post some information regarding the birth and csection recovery.
