6/14/13. Our 5th wedding anniversary.
My husband's work schedule had changed so that he would now be off on Fridays. For our 2nd US we had the choice of Friday 6/14 or Monday 6/17. By this point we were feeling fairly confident and decided to do the 2nd US on our anniversary, so he didn't have to take off work (he doesn't get PTO, so time missed = no $$). I wasn't really worried about it being on our anniversary, as I'm not really a dates person.
He ended up having to work half a day on 6/14. But our plan was to go to our afternoon appointment, maybe grab something small to eat, then go see a movie. We never in a million years really expected to find out we were having a miscarriage again.
I went into the US, she started doing some measurements, then softly told us she couldn't find a heartbeat. I, of course was immediately heartbroken. She asked if I wanted to see the screen, I did. She turned it to me and let me look. I then asked her what the baby was measuring. She measured it right in front of me, and it said 6wks5days. I asked the measurements because if it would have been anywhere remotely close to 8-9wks, I would have waited one week, did another US just to be sure and then go from there. However, knowing that no heartbeat was found and that in 2wks the baby had only grown 3 days max, it was over.
A nurse came in, discussed my options. I chose to have a d&c. My d&c is scheduled for tomorrow, 6/19/13 at 7:45AM.
As I'm typing this today, I'm still coming to terms with my most recent loss and am extremely disappointed and heartbroken. However, I am glad that my baby grew this time, as there will be tissue to test for chromosome abnormalities.
I had a pretty good day, considering what I'm preparing to do tomorrow. I had a pre-op appointment, did some signatures, had some labs drawn, picked up my medications. Visited my cousin who's in the hospital with metastatic cancer -- spread to her cervical spine, causing so much pain so that she can't really move her head in any direction. I also contacted one of my coworkers, met up with her and let her know what's going on with me (on Sat. I called in to work for the entire week, it's a small office so they've all been really worried about me). She's the only person I've told anything to, other than our parents, my boss, and all the amazing ladies on an internet support forum that are going through similar experiences.
Goodbye my sweet baby You'll always be a part of me and I'll never forget you. Even though I found out you were gone on our wedding anniversary, 3 days later wouldn't have really been much of a difference. If anything, you'll never be forgotten by our parents either and it warms my heart a little knowing that they'll recognize our losses and remember you specifically.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
3rd Time's a Charm!
From my last post, you learned that my April cycle = success and we found out we were pregnant again!
May 9, 2013, 12dpo (days post ovulation -- I used ovulation predictor kits [opk] and did basal body temperatures [bbt] to predict ovulation and know when my most opportune fertile window would be) I took a home pregnancy test (hpt) and it was positive!
I had a cold when I found out the fantastic news, and even though I figured it was viral I saw my PCP the next day to be precautionary. My PCP agreed she thought it was viral but placed me on pregnancy-safe antibiotics anyways. She also knows of my fertility history and wanted to be precautionary this time around as well.
Monday finally rolled around, so I called the RE's office to let them know I was pregnant. They had me come to the lab to have betas checked.
May 13, 2013 @ 16dpo my first beta result was 737.
May 15, 2013 @ 18dpo my second beta result was 1474.
May 30, 2013 by LMP(last menstrual period) I was 7weeks exactly. We found out it was a viable pregnancy, there was a baby growing measuring 6wks2days and it had an amazing heartbeat of 171! I expected the baby to be less than 7wks as I know ovulation probably occurred on day17 instead of the "normal" day 14, and you can never know when exactly implantation occurred.
After leaving the US we went to our parent's houses and let them know the awesome news. They were beyond happy for us and were actually outwardly more excited than I was. Experiencing loss, it makes it very very very hard to let your guard down and be openly excited about being pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I was screaming excitement on the inside, but other than being open to my husband, it's difficult to express the excitement and fear to anybody else. My mother in law actually asked my husband (when I wasn't with him) how come I didn't seem to be excited. He tried to somewhat explain, but it's not an easy thing to explain.
My next appointment was 2 weeks, on 6/14/13 -- our 5th wedding anniversary.
May 9, 2013, 12dpo (days post ovulation -- I used ovulation predictor kits [opk] and did basal body temperatures [bbt] to predict ovulation and know when my most opportune fertile window would be) I took a home pregnancy test (hpt) and it was positive!
I had a cold when I found out the fantastic news, and even though I figured it was viral I saw my PCP the next day to be precautionary. My PCP agreed she thought it was viral but placed me on pregnancy-safe antibiotics anyways. She also knows of my fertility history and wanted to be precautionary this time around as well.
Monday finally rolled around, so I called the RE's office to let them know I was pregnant. They had me come to the lab to have betas checked.
May 13, 2013 @ 16dpo my first beta result was 737.
May 15, 2013 @ 18dpo my second beta result was 1474.
May 30, 2013 by LMP(last menstrual period) I was 7weeks exactly. We found out it was a viable pregnancy, there was a baby growing measuring 6wks2days and it had an amazing heartbeat of 171! I expected the baby to be less than 7wks as I know ovulation probably occurred on day17 instead of the "normal" day 14, and you can never know when exactly implantation occurred.
After leaving the US we went to our parent's houses and let them know the awesome news. They were beyond happy for us and were actually outwardly more excited than I was. Experiencing loss, it makes it very very very hard to let your guard down and be openly excited about being pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I was screaming excitement on the inside, but other than being open to my husband, it's difficult to express the excitement and fear to anybody else. My mother in law actually asked my husband (when I wasn't with him) how come I didn't seem to be excited. He tried to somewhat explain, but it's not an easy thing to explain.
My next appointment was 2 weeks, on 6/14/13 -- our 5th wedding anniversary.
January - April 2013
After seeing the RE (reproductive endocrinologist) in December, it was decided that I was to contact his office in January to set up an appointment to remove the thin piece of tissue that was found on my testing. However, I had a coworker who got married and was off most of January, so there was no way I could rearrange my schedule around my menstrual cycle to have this done. In the mean time my husband and I had some serious discussions regarding having this minor surgery done.
My RE wasn't really concerned about the thin tissue -- meaning that he didn't believe it had anything to do with any of our losses, and it wasn't big enough to hinder any future pregnancies, but he wanted to remove it, just to be preventative.
After realizing I wasn't going to be able to have this done in January, and many discussions with my husband, we decided against having the tissue removed, and would continue trying to get pregnant again.
I'm a bad patient and didn't contact my RE's office to let them know I wasn't going through with the tissue removal. I did know that when I got pregnant again I was to contact their office right away.
February was the first month since our 2nd loss that we started actively trying to conceive again. It was very tough and very scary to start trying again. My February cycle was a bust. March, also a bust. April = SUCCESS. We are officially pregnant again!
My RE wasn't really concerned about the thin tissue -- meaning that he didn't believe it had anything to do with any of our losses, and it wasn't big enough to hinder any future pregnancies, but he wanted to remove it, just to be preventative.
After realizing I wasn't going to be able to have this done in January, and many discussions with my husband, we decided against having the tissue removed, and would continue trying to get pregnant again.
I'm a bad patient and didn't contact my RE's office to let them know I wasn't going through with the tissue removal. I did know that when I got pregnant again I was to contact their office right away.
February was the first month since our 2nd loss that we started actively trying to conceive again. It was very tough and very scary to start trying again. My February cycle was a bust. March, also a bust. April = SUCCESS. We are officially pregnant again!
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